As if inspired by our latest blog post on misconceptions about BuddhismThe Onion recently ran an article poking fun at Buddhism’s stereotype of passivity. Under the headline “Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows To Unleash Tranquility On West,” the article breaks news of a 45-minute video featuring faux Tibetan teacher Tsuglag Rinpoche. Rinpoche threatens that “In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West.” Rinpoche goes on:

“From New York City to London, Madrid, and Paris, we will not cease until every major metropolis is left in a state of total nirvana,” said Rinpoche, brandishing a pink lotus flower before claiming that Kammatthana will seize any opportunity to aggressively instill a deep-seated sense of oneness in all Westerners. “We offered the unenlightened governments of America and Europe a chance to embrace the Eightfold Path, but you have refused. Now, we have no choice but to impose a peaceful spiritual reawakening upon you.”

“And if you think even for a moment that we will ever relent, remember this: Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened,” Rinpoche added. You have been warned.

Also included in the video: an uninterrupted 19-minute clip of flowing, tranquil water. Read the entire article—and see a clip from the faux video—here.

Thank you for subscribing to Tricycle! As a nonprofit, to keep Buddhist teachings and practices widely available.

This article is only for Subscribers!

Subscribe now to read this article and get immediate access to everything else.

Subscribe Now

Already a subscriber? .