The Anxiety of Our Lives

Anxiety is a uniquely human experience. No other species has developed their capacity for anxiety to the degree that we have. As a result, it is also a completely natural part of being human and alive. I have yet to meet a human who has not experienced anxiety. Have you?

Once we see that anxiety is unavoidable, the question becomes more about our relationship to it. Do we let anxiety define us? Or can we begin to look into the experience? What is it that happens when we are fearful? Tightness in the chest, sweaty palms, rapid breathing. The body might feel heavy or light, tingly or dull. What if we learn to know our fear, rather than letting ourselves be consumed by it?

I was once on a flight home to San Francisco from Boston. Just as they closed the boarding door, a summer lightning storm began. This meant we couldn’t take off, nor could we safely deplane. We were prisoners on the plane until the storm stopped. The plane taxied around the airport until they put us in long-­term parking behind some buildings somewhere. Three hours later, as we all milled around in the aisles, the announcement came that we were cleared for takeoff. Within minutes I found myself squeezed into my window seat in a packed row of vacation travelers on a fully loaded plane, with engines racing as we picked up speed down the runway.

And that’s when it happened. My mind became obsessed with the exit door. Thoughts of how to get out of my seat and off this plane took over, racing right along with the roar of the engines as we hurtled toward takeoff. All I wanted was out. Claustrophobia arose, and a full-­fledged panic attack came with it. 

What happened next was fascinating—mindful awareness kicked in. I watched my mind ask a series of questions. 

Question number one was: What are you going to do?

This was a very good question. It was really tempting to react. An image of myself throwing a fit, screaming and yelling, climbing over my fellow passengers to access the aisle, and working my way toward the exit door came to mind. It was immediately followed by an image of being tackled and restrained by the airline staff. No, not that option. Next option? This question gave me the opportunity to consider my actions and choose a less harmful approach to my dilemma. Even though some aspect of my mind was still in reaction, I didn’t have to act out of that; it would only cause more confusion and pain for myself and others. 

Question number two was: Can you breathe?

As it turned out, yes, I could. This presented a better option. I switched my focus from the precariously rambling thoughts produced by anxiety to bodily awareness. Once I did this, it was clear that the most difficult sensation was tightness in the chest. I began to gently breathe into that constriction. It softened slightly. The powerful practice of breath awareness helped me to relax a bit. The situation was becoming tolerable. In truth, most anything can be breathed through. When we stay with our experience, we find our wholeness, our refuge. The breath is a way to keep from abandoning ourselves in difficult times. It is nurturing and healing to simply breathe, one breath at a time. Taking deep, conscious breaths calmed me down. 

Mindfulness allowed me to look closely at the situation, to not be consumed by fear but rather to consider options and make wiser choices.

And then question number three arose: What would help?

Now that there was a little space around the situation, I began to look for resources and support. Connect with someone, came the answer. I turned to the person sitting next to me and struck up a conversation. Turns out she was the nanny for the family in my row and the row behind us. They were returning from summer vacation on Nantucket Island. It felt good to hear someone else’s story and think about something other than my own pain. I liked seeing how she worked to entertain the kids even though she was young and undoubtedly tired from getting up early for the flight and all of the other travel they had been through already. And she had also been on the plane just as long as I had and was working to create a good situation for those she was traveling with.

Eventually, as time passed, I was able to get up, move around the plane, and feel my body again. While the flight was initially uncomfortable, it became workable. I even enjoyed meeting new people. Further, it was inspiring to see that while I was panicked, the training in mindfulness I had cultivated over many years kicked in. Mindfulness allowed me to look closely at the situation, to not be consumed by fear but rather to consider options and make wiser choices. As I investigated the situation a bit more, I realized that as distressing as the anxiety was, it was only a very small portion of my overall experience. Fearfulness was narrow and tight, but my mind was vast. What a relief to be able to orient myself in a new direction.

Working with Anxiety

Since anxiety is part of being human, it is worthwhile to learn to work with it, to turn your mindful awareness toward the experience of anxiety. I have found again and again that the three questions posed above helped me reorient during an anxiety attack. Anxiety wants action, so we are often prone to reaction in the heat of the moment. As a result, our actions may be poorly thought out or even cause harm to ourselves or those close to us. Even with panic it is possible to take a moment to consider what would be the wise action. How can you best help yourself in this moment?

Turn toward your breath. Often anxiety is accompanied by panic or the feeling that we cannot breathe. Slow down. Notice what is really true. What sensations are present? What qualities are apparent in the breath? Become deeply honest with yourself. What is your experience in each moment?

These two steps—pausing to review your options and mindful breathing—help to create a little space around the situation so you can return to yourself. The third—asking what would help—is really about loving-­kindness. In the words of Marshall Rosenberg, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, “What need is not being met?” As you stay with the anxiety and your moment-­to-moment experience, it can be helpful to consider how you can help yourself. What would make a difference to you in this moment? Is there something you want to ask for or change? Pay close attention to the voices that speak within you. This is a way of befriending yourself. There may be a request from your heart.

Mindfulness allows anxiety to be transformed into a powerful energy of fearlessness and connection—not through pushing through but rather by accepting and patiently, gently, getting to know it better. In The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action, the fearless African American civil rights activist and poet Audre Lorde put it this way:

“I began to recognize a source of power within myself that comes from the knowledge that while it is most desirable not to be afraid, learning to put fear into a perspective gave me great strength.”

From The TMJ Handbook A Therapeutic Guide to Relieving Jaw Tension and Pain with Yoga and Mindfulness © 2024 by Cator Shachoy. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Inc. Boulder, CO. www.shambhala.com