Everyone Wants to Save the World, but No One Wants to Help Mom Do the Dishes

Over the years of my Buddhist practice, I’ve noticed an ever-deepening desire and commitment to relieving suffering. At first, I was focused only on my own suffering, but as my practice ripened and I slowly released myself from the trance of self-centered thinking, I began to grasp the bigger picture: I’m not the only one suffering. In fact, there’s a whole world of beings suffering all around me.

This shift from “I am suffering” to “There is suffering” led me to an awakening of bodhicitta. Bodhi can be translated as “awake” and citta as “heart” or “mind.” So basically, bodhicitta means an awakened heart and mind. It is simultaneously the wish for all beings to be free from suffering and the lifelong (or multilifelong) commitment to seeing that wish through.

Countless Mahayana Buddhists around the globe make this commitment every day. When I was practicing Zen, we would always chant the four bodhisattva vows before meditating: “Sentient beings are numberless, I vow to save them all,” as the first vow goes. Though it may not seem physically possible, we set the compass of our hearts and minds in that direction with sincere dedication: No matter how long it takes, we will free everyone from their suffering.

This vow can be a source of great motivation, with the potential to inspire a life dedicated to service. But it can also produce the opposite effect. It’s too easy to become overwhelmed by the terrible things we hear happening every single day all over the world. Sometimes it can feel like no matter how much we try to help, our efforts don’t even make a dent in the constant flow of global suffering. This can lead us to a sense of powerlessness, hopelessness, and even despair, crippling our commitment to help everyone—or even worse, our ability to help anyone.

Even though I’m an optimist, there’s a good chance that we will never save the world, at least not in this lifetime. Human beings will most likely continue to create more and more suffering until there’s no one left to suffer. But does that mean we should give up all hope? Must we abandon our vow to help all beings? Does any of it even matter?

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These questions bring to mind a story I once heard about an old man who went for a stroll along a beach after a storm so fierce that thousands of starfish were swept ashore. As he walked, the old man noticed a young girl carefully picking up one starfish at a time and tossing it back into the ocean. The old man told the young girl that she was wasting her time—that she couldn’t possibly save all the starfish, couldn’t possibly make a real difference. Determined to help, the girl bent down, grabbed another starfish, and flung it into the ocean: “Well, I made a difference to that one!”

I’ve always loved this story because it reminds me that alleviating suffering doesn’t always have to be a cosmic undertaking. Much like the young girl making a difference to a few washed-up starfish, I too can use this short time being alive to make a difference to those I come across. Sure, I may not be able to cure world hunger, but I can help feed one hungry person. I may not be able to free the hearts and minds of all beings, but I can offer tools for awakening to one person at a time. I may not be able to save the world, but I can help my mom do the dishes when they’re piled up in the sink. And while I may not make a huge difference to a world of suffering beings, I can make a huge world of difference to some.

I believe this is what bodhicitta is truly about: living in a way that constantly asks, How can I meet this moment to be of most use? Imagine what it would be like if each one of us were to wake up every morning with the intention to ease suffering, help others, and spread joy. Living in this way not only offers meaning to our own lives but also gives us the courage to keep an open heart in the face of tremendous suffering and the strength to keep going, regardless of how hard things may get.

If we allow ourselves to get overwhelmed by all the suffering, we can start to believe that nothing we do matters, like the old man in the story above. But in a world of interconnectedness, to say that nothing matters is absurd. On the deepest level, saving one person is saving all beings. How can this be? Because we are all like waves in the ocean, and although we may appear to be separate, the truth is we are all an expression of one ocean. Each one of us is a unique manifestation of life itself, and in this sense, if one person becomes free from suffering, we all become free. The Buddha himself realized this when he attained Buddhahood and exclaimed, “I, together with all beings and the great earth, simultaneously achieve the Way.”

With practice, we can learn to be like a rainbow, holding both the weight and sadness of rain and the joy and warmth of the sun.

Even if we’re able to leave only one person’s life a little better off, this is enough to fulfill our wish to save the world. We don’t need to cure cancer in order to cultivate our bodhicitta, or become a doctor and save lives (although, if you can do this, by all means, please do!)—but we can do simple, ordinary things like loving our children or caring for a sick relative.

I know many people who want to do great things to help the world but end up so focused on the big picture that they overlook the simple opportunities to help that are right in front of them. I often fall into this trap myself! For many years, I’ve been striving to share Buddhist teachings across larger and larger platforms to reach as many people as possible, not realizing the importance of the local people I’ve been helping all along. The big dream of becoming the next Jack Kornfield sometimes eclipses the little things like kissing one of my kids’ “boo-boos” or bringing the finished laundry up from the basement.

The key is to not be so hard on ourselves—to not carry the burden of trying to be the superhero all the time. We can be fully committed to helping others and still be lighthearted! Having fun and being joyful doesn’t mean we’ve turned our backs on the suffering in the world. With practice, we can learn to be like a rainbow, holding both the weight and sadness of rain and the joy and warmth of the sun.

We can help others using whatever circumstances life offers us. In the town where I grew up, there is one crossing guard that I drive past regularly throughout the year. The first time I saw him out there, he was energetically waving at everyone, shouting things like “Yeah!” or “Have a good one, buddy.” Initially, I found it a bit odd, but the more I passed by him, the more I enjoyed it. I began to look  forward to driving down that street, knowing he’d be there, cheerfully pointing, waving, and wishing everyone a good day.

This cheerful crossing guard found a way to make his job and day-to-day life special: by positively impacting everyone around him. He brings such immense joy to his work and shares it with all who cross his intersection. Even to this day, almost everyone who drives by him will be honking, waving, and smiling back at him. He may not meditate or know what bodhicitta means, but he certainly embodies it in his daily life.

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When we’re trying to alleviate suffering, big or small, the important thing is to keep moving forward. There’s a famous Zen koan that I love:

A monk said to Chao Chou, “I have just entered this monastery. Please teach me.”
Chao Chou said, “Have you eaten your rice gruel?”
The monk said, “Yes, I have.”
Chao Chou said, “Wash your bowl.”
The monk understood.

Although there are many ways of understanding and interpreting this koan, the most straightforward is that we should always look to do “the next right thing,” as Anna says in the animated film Frozen II.

In other words, take care of your life as it arises. With a sense of care and immediacy, do the next right thing. When you’re done eating, wash the dishes. When you have to go to work, get in your car and drive safely. When you find starfish washed up on the shore, throw them back into the ocean. When you see someone who is suffering, try to ease it.

With practice, this can become second nature. To quote another koan: “It is like someone in the middle of the night reaching behind her head for the pillow.” When we’re tired at night, we don’t think about grabbing a pillow for our heads, we just do it. In the same way, as we go through our lives with the spirit of easing suffering, we simply offer what we can spontaneously and naturally in response to the conditions that arise, moment by moment.

Life is hard and we all suffer. In the face of so much pain, sorrow, and difficulty we need people committed to relieving suffering. You won’t save everyone, and that’s OK! But please remember that although you may not be able to save the world, you can make a world of difference in the people’s lives you touch along the way. So go ahead, take the commitment to save the world, but please don’t forget to help your mother do the dishes.