abyss 91
diving into 78
gazing into xix
bitch
drunken, moody son-of-a 9
catastrophe 93
total 41
cheerfulness
premature 81
crisis
deeper into 13
existential 99
no way back from 13
darkness xv, xvii, 84, 85, 97
ensnared in 22
heart of 10
path of 50
death xix, xx, xxiii, xxv, 33, 47, 85, 91, 99
denial of xxiii
facing it now 82
moment of 84
nearness to 100
presence of xxii, 81, 92
ultimate triumph of 81
emptiness xxviii, 85
37,000 foot chasm of 68
failure xviii, 5, 49
life ending in 47
preemptive approach to 52
seductive appeal of 49
faith
lapse of 62
loss of 66
friends
self-absorbed 61
goods
damaged 27
hatred 37, 58, 92
fine-grained 57
of self 58
heart
yours, bludgeoned 41
inner bigot xv, 58, 92
inner corpse xix, xxiii, 81, 84, 92
embrace of 81
struggle to exhume 81
inner critic xv, 14, 92
inner fanatic 92
inner psychopath xv, 93
opening up to 20
life
bad dream of 5
confusing mess of 70
end of 82
yours, worthless 6
living
a great lie 81
on the edge 50
with death 85
loss 13, 22, 40, 49, 85
of enthusiasm 52
of faith 99
of health benefits 50
moment
final, yours 84
nightmare
coming true 57
oblivion
one step from 68
pushing yourself into 82
temporarily deferred 82
pain xv, 37, 40, 42, 49, 70, 91
deep well of 22
sabotage
industrial 48
self 14
sex
to relieve tension 38
with liquor 31
suffering xv, xviii, xxvi, 19, 47
the edge
living on it 50
unknown
fears of 23
void xxiv, xxvi, xxvii, 91, 99
world
worst possible 57
yours, cut asunder 78

© 2002 by Andrew Boyd. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, W. W. Norton & Company, Inc. www.dailyafflictions.com

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