Life Advice from Sakya Pandita 

In Tibetan Buddhism there is a genre of teachings known as “The Way of Living” (Tib.: Luk kyi tencho). These texts contain secular wisdom that has been passed down through the centuries. While the Buddha is usually associated with spiritual teachings on enlightenment, he also offered profound and practical guidance on how to live a flourishing and harmonious life. He addressed topics such as how to govern effectively, how to build healthy relationships, how to communicate skillfully, and how to create a life of happiness and success. These teachings were preserved in many of the Buddha’s discourses, or sutras.

In the 2nd century CE, the great Indian scholar Nagarjuna expanded on these ideas in his writings. Many of his works provide detailed advice on personal growth, transformation, and living wisely. By the 8th or 9th century, these teachings were translated from Sanskrit into Tibetan, where they became a part of the Tibetan tradition.

At their core, The Way of Living teachings are about cultivating wisdom, integrity, and other essential qualities that lead to happiness, success, and connection. They express universal principles for living a meaningful and successful life. They show us that there is a clear path to these outcomes—a path that is not random or arbitrary but grounded in timeless values.

One of the major Way of Living texts is “An Array of Wisdom Speech,” by Sakya Pandita—a principal founder and revered master of the Sakya tradition, one of the major Buddhist schools of Tibet. Written in a style that feels strikingly contemporary, Sakya Pandita’s teachings offer clear and concise advice on a wide range of topics, from how to choose friends and avoid harmful relationships to how to communicate effectively and lead wisely. The central theme of this text is what we might today call social and emotional intelligence—understanding how your speech and actions affect others and anticipating their reactions. With this understanding, Sakya Pandita explains, you can navigate relationships and situations skillfully, almost as if you can predict your future.

Sakya Pandita’s teachings on communication and social intelligence are practical and detailed. He emphasizes the importance of mindfulness in speech and action, offering a humorous yet sharp observation: “At any moment,” he says, “countless thoughts, emotions, and reactions can run through your mind. If they don’t also run from your mouth, you are truly a wise person.” This direct style is characteristic of his writing, making his advice easy to understand and apply.

Wisdom, he explains, is simply not following emotions or impulses. Individual feelings, while important, are not inherently guided by wisdom. When people act based on unchecked emotions such as anger, sadness, or jealousy, they often create problems for themselves and others. Wisdom, on the other hand, allows you to manage and relate to emotions skillfully, ensuring that your actions and words lead to positive outcomes rather than harm. These lessons are not abstract or philosophical; they are grounded in real-life situations and offer clear guidance for living with awareness and intention.

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“AN ARRAY OF WISDOM SPEECH”

COMMUNICATION

Don’t be overly talkative.
Think about what you want to say and only say as much as you need.

Don’t act on whatever crosses your mind.
Whatever action you take, make sure it is productive.

Don’t agree to every request.
But if you do agree, be sure to follow through.

If you’ve dirtied your hands, don’t expect social acceptance.
Be a good person.

If you blurt out everything you know, you won’t be invited into group decisions.
Don’t be a gossipmonger.

Whenever you speak, begin with a smile.
When you conclude, end with a smile.
Speak clearly and get to the heart of the matter.
Talk for the right amount of time, with eloquence.
Even if you’re upset, speak gently.
It’s better for you and for others.

Even if you’re furious at your enemies, you should remain civil and polite.
Someday you may need an alliance with them.

You adore your children; but if they make mistakes,
you must teach them about consequences.
In the end, that’s what love really is.

Whatever advantages you have, don’t use them selfishly.
Then they’ll sustain you well into the future.

To accomplish your goals, consider the needs of everyone.
That’s the best way to build a vibrant future.

DEALING WITH PEOPLE

Don’t cede power to bad people.
Don’t bring fools to a meeting.
Don’t weaken the position of your best people.
Don’t label a large group as your enemy.

Don’t show your wealth to the covetous.
Don’t trust those with bad motives.
Don’t take advice from people who lack boundaries.
Don’t share your innermost feelings with a gossiper.
Don’t tease those with a short fuse.

Don’t make a rivalry where you can’t compete.
Don’t compete with the dishonest.
Don’t promise what you can’t deliver.
Don’t attempt projects where you aren’t capable.

Don’t give advice to those unwilling to hear it.
Don’t ask the wrong person for help.

Don’t obsess over the wealth you don’t have.
Don’t be frustrated with others for what they haven’t yet learned.
Don’t forget the kindness of others, even if they later become adversaries.

Your reputation depends on the actions you take;
therefore watch your behavior.

BEING A WISE LEADER

Whether you are perceived as deep depends on how much you say.
If there’s no good reason to speak, remain silent.

Whether you are wise or foolish is determined by how well you read others.
Consider this carefully.
How smart you are depends on how self-sufficient you are.
Be self-sufficient.

When you become an important person, that’s when you most need to have humility.
Don’t be too proud.

When you compete with others, focus on showing your skills,
not your arrogance or pride.

The higher your reputation, the more you should keep yourself down-to-earth.
Be mindful of your actions.

If you have many admirers, show respect to all.
Treat everyone equally.

Even when a meeting is successful, continue to act and make plans with moderation.
Don’t overdo it.

If you become a leader, avoid acting in self-interest.
Consider the needs of everyone.

When you’re happy and doing well, remember others.
Keep others in your thoughts.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Share delicious food with others.
Keep the most beautiful, priceless possessions.

Don’t let any hateful speech out.
Don’t let a hateful enemy in.

Don’t be too quick to make friends with someone you just met.
Don’t trust someone just because they are somewhat familiar to you.

Don’t be gleeful as soon as you have something to be happy about.
Don’t show fury as soon as you’re upset.

Don’t sigh and roll your eyes over just any disapproval.
Don’t gush over just anything you like.

Don’t turn up your nose if the food isn’t delicious.
And don’t wolf it down just because it is delicious.

SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE

Connections with your loved ones aren’t guaranteed.
Don’t disappoint those closest to you.
The relationship could end.

Don’t keep your enemies close.
They’ll walk right over you.

Never look down on anyone.
No one knows who will need who in the future.

When you work for others, fulfill their requests successfully.
Then you’ll know how to succeed on your own.

If you avoid lying and cheating, you’ll live in harmony with everyone.
If you speak little and you keep your hands clean, everyone will admire you.
If you have good character and put others first, you will get along with everyone.

Thin-skinned people with small minds are easily upset; don’t tease them.
Don’t make connections with people who flatter with bad intentions.
Don’t feel pity for the foolish and the arrogant.

Even if it seems fun in the moment, don’t invest your time and energy in people who can’t maintain lasting relationships.
Don’t trust dark-hearted people, no matter how sweet their words.
Don’t trust strangers or those you don’t know well.
Don’t start an important conversation with someone who isn’t relevant to it.

MEETINGS

Don’t invest great effort in pointless work.
Pay the proper dues that you owe.
Welcome warmhearted friends with a smile and happy expression.

All meetings should have farsighted focus on the best impact for the future.
Don’t focus on the smaller, short-term results.
It’s more important to analyze and move toward long-term goals.

Reflect now about previous productive and unproductive meetings and their results.
Think now of the future and what outcomes are needed from a meeting.
Let the failures and successes of others’ meetings serve as examples for you.

If people aren’t involved in the project, or the timing isn’t appropriate, don’t invite them.
Without these considerations, the meeting will not succeed.

If people dislike meetings, don’t invite them.
They’ll just disrupt the discussion.
Don’t bring a private discussion into public gatherings.
Everyone will hear the details.
Don’t have meetings about projects where there’s no capacity to get it done.
Any effort will just vanish.
When you meet with a larger group, you gain broader insight.
When you seek advice from experts, you won’t have regrets.
Discussions go smoothly with those who are agreeable.
When you ask questions of the experienced, you make better decisions.

If you say what you want from a meeting too early, you limit the discussion.
If you plan a meeting carefully, you’ll avoid many pitfalls.
If you don’t reach any decisions, you must extend the meeting.
If a meeting doesn’t go well, or it goes to extremes, you must improve it.
If you hold a longer meeting, you’ll get to the deeper issues.
If you meet on many different subjects, be sure to choose clear priorities.

When you begin a meeting, it’s important to start on time.
The subject should be focused, and you should get to the point.
To end the meeting, conclude with decisions and next steps.

Although there are thousands of subjects that can be discussed, there are only two things that matter to make good decisions:
One is your natural instinctive ability.
The other is good judgment from confident, detailed analysis.
In brief, the most important thing is to take action.

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Adapted from The Tibetan Book of Success © 2026 by Orgyen Chowang Rinpoche. Reprinted in arrangement with Shambhala Publications, Boulder, CO.