His Holiness once talked about being surprised the first time he learned that many people in the West experience something called “self-hatred.” It isn’t a concept that people grow up with in Tibetan culture. His Holiness understood doubt, confusion, and shame—but hatred toward oneself? That was new to him. But as he listened more closely, he came to understand what it meant: a deep and painful identification with one’s flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings. A belief that failure is not something we experience but something we are. This is where self-compassion becomes essential. We learn to treat ourselves with the same clarity and tenderness we would offer someone we love. We also recognize that our suffering is real, but it is not all of who we are.
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Excerpted from Engaged Compassion: Seven Practices to Cultivate Resilience, Connection, and a Joyous Life. Copyright 2026, Lobsang Tenzin Negi. Reproduced by permission of Simon Element, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.
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